Abbott: Alright, now whaddya want?

Costello: The semester is starting and I keep seeing these signs that say “Tuesday is a Friday”

Abbott: Yeah, yeah.  Tuesday is a Friday.  So, what’s your question?

Costello: Well what exactly does that mean, Tuesday is a Friday?

Abbott: It means that the first day of class, which is a Tuesday, follows a Friday schedule.  Tuesday is a Friday.  Get it?

Costello: Oh.  So the day after Labor Day is a Friday.

Abbott: No, no, no.  Labor Day is on a Monday.  The day after Labor Day is a Tuesday!

Costello: But you just said that the first day of class is a Friday, and everyone knows that the first day of class is the Tuesday after Labor Day.

Abbott: Not this year.  This year the first day of class is the Tuesday before Labor Day.  And that Tuesday is a Friday.  The Tuesday after Labor Day is just Tuesday.

Costello: I see.  Well that’s good news.  It will be nice to go back to the 15-week semester.

Abbott: We’re still on a 14-week semester.  The 15-week semester is in the spring.

Costello: But the whole point of having a 14-week semester in the fall was so we could start on the Tuesday after Labor Day, or is it the Friday after Labor Day?  This doesn’t make any sense!

Abbott: Sure it does.  Tuesday is a Friday.  It’s simple.

Costello: But why do we need Tuesday to be a Friday in the first place?

Abbott: Oh that’s because there’s not enough Friday’s in our semester’s calendar.
 

Costello: You mean the 14-week semester calendar, right?  There’d certainly be enough Friday’s in a 15-week semester!

Abbott: The 15-week semester is in spring, which begins in January.

Costello: Isn’t January in the winter?

Abbott: Yes, yes, yes.  Here.  Take a look at this calendar.  It will all be clear.

Costello: Aha.  I see the problem.  It’s this Friday in the middle of October that’s causing all the trouble.  Why are classes canceled here in the middle of the semester?

Abbott: That is a study day.  No classes.

Costello: So does that mean that the days that are not study days the students don’t have to study?

Abbott: Don’t be silly.  I’m sure that every day is a study day at Penn State.

Costello: Hmmm.  Well why didn’t they have the study day on Tuesday so they wouldn’t need Tuesday to be a Friday in the first place?

Abbott: You can’t have a study day on Tuesday!  The students would all be stuck on campus with nothing to do if classes were canceled.  Study day’s need to be Friday’s.

Costello: Because students need a three day weekend to study?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Let me see if I have this right.  Depending on the year, Tuesday is a Friday before Labor Day; Tuesday is a Tuesday after Labor Day.  We have a 14-week semester in the fall and a 15-week semester in the spring which is mostly during the winter.  We have a study day on a Friday when no one will study and a Friday with no weekend after it when the students have nothing to study.

Abbott: That’s pretty good but you forgot one.  The Friday of final’s week has no finals.

Costello: Don’t tell me, let me guess.  The Friday of final’s week has no finals because it’s not Friday it’s really Saturday.  Right?

Abbott: Not quite.  The Friday of final’s week will be used to change the Penn State ID numbers from social security numbers.  The whole system will be down.

Costello: Why can’t they have social security numbers as the Penn State ID numbers?

Abbott: Because of security issues.

Costello: The social security numbers are having security issues?

Abbott: Not the social security numbers, the ID numbers.

Costello: But you said the ID numbers are the social security numbers?

Abbott: Right.  And they’re not secure.

Costello: What’s not secure?

Abbott: Penn State ID.

Costello: I see.  It’s because the ID’s have social security numbers on them.

Abbott: Actually the Penn State ID’s don’t have the social security numbers on them.  They are encoded, but not encrypted.

Costello: So I guess I’m going to need a new Penn State ID soon.  Maybe I’ll go Tuesday nite.

Abbott: You can’t go Tuesday nite.  They’ll be closing at 5pm.

Costello: 5pm?  They’re supposed to be open till 7pm on Tuesdays.

Abbott: Not this Tuesday.

Costello: Why not this Tuesday.

Together: Tuesday is a Friday!